it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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