I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
