He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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