He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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