She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
