The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
