Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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