i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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