I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
