the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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