My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
