Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
