I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize