Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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