Swine flu. Run for my life!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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