I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
