i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.