A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
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His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
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I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!