Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
