I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....