Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?