I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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