i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
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you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
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Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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