May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
