that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
