my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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