someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
