i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
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I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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