If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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