my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize