he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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