So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
