Say something about gay babies.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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