today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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