i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
