I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
