I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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