I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
