Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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