My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize