Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
