I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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