She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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