just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
