I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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