Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
