Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
