So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
