he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
