I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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