haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
