I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
