If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
