shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
