I heard we made out
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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