I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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