i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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