tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
