Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
