I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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