hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
