I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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