What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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