My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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