he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
