dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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