i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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