i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
