if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
