I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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