As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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