Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
